This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i think im in europe. pls send help
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
