If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
