I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
