Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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