Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
