Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it glows. i had to have it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
