Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
