All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
