Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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