I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize