I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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