I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
