i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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