NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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