Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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