We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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