This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
