first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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