what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
