OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
