I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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