so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize