How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
