And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
