My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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