why didn't you poke me back
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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