wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
