I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
