I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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