He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
