I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
