Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
