I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
