FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
