She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
