im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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