she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
