In the future we'll all be gay
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
