i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
