just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
