I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
