I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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