You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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