Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What drink are we having for lunch?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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