Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
