I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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