You just made me feel so damn special
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize