Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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