Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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