Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
