Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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