I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
