Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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