it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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