I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
