there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
