Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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