carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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