i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
