No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize