Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
