Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
