well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
