i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
