Jerry, you need to find god
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
