I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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