Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
