It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
