My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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